6 questions to ask him on your first date

The first date.  It’s a thick hunk of excitement, slathered in promise, sandwiched between two slices of stress. You have to look good…but not too good, so he doesn’t think you’re trying too hard.  You have to flirt just enough to keep him tantalised, but not so much that he wonders if you’re the kind of girl who’d throw herself at a Good Friday Bobolee if it was wearing cologne and a nice suit.

Plus you have to find out as much as you can about him.  Presumably, if you’re actually out with the man, you’ve already ruled out the possibility that he’s an axe murderer or an escapee from an asylum.  But there’s a whole lot of stuff you should find out about him before you proceed to date two.  And the only way to get information is to come right out and ask. Here are a few questions that could give you X-ray vision into his mind

What’s the scariest/grossest/most fun thing you have ever done?

This one will take him off guard.  He was probably expecting you to ask about his job, his family, his marital status…but this?  His answer will give you some insight into what excites him, interests, him, turns him off or on. Good follow-ups are: And how did you deal with it?  What did you learn?  Would you do it again?

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

His answer can tell you how he feels about his heritage, (does he want to visit the land of his ancestors?) his boyish fantasies, (white-water rafting in Canada, photo safaris in Kenya) or his secret sexual desires (Bangkok, anyone?) Another similar question: You have $1 million and one week to spend it.  Go.

What else should you ask him?  Find out here.

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March soaps

Working on my March soap catalogue for Simona’s Suds. Gladdens the heart.

Aaahhhhh! Beautiful!

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Book #1 for 2012

I don’t know if it is significant that my first book for 2012 is one that I’ve slaved over page by page in the littlest room in my house, but I do question the wisdom of buying a BATHROOM Reader second hand.

Anyway, my first book is Uncle John’s Triumphant 20th Anniversary Bathroom Reader.  And I enjoyed every minute of it.

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Fortune smiles again on a Trini Songbird

Singer and model Charisse Lee Quai’s life story could easily be mistaken for one of those feel-good Lifetime specials that leave you in tears one moment and cheering the next.  At just 32, she has gone from sharing a stage in London with Maxi Priest, Whitney Houston and Madonna to weeping in despair in a New York homeless shelter.  From escaping an abusive marriage that almost killed her to getting ready to represent T&T on the wildly popular X Factor talent scouting programme.

At 17, fresh out of Providence Girls’, she moved to London to pursue her music career, and footed the bills by modelling for stores like House of Fraser and Fashion Fair.   She soon began performing with acts like Soul to Soul and did background vocals for Warner Brothers. Not only could she sing, but she proved to be a quick, excellent writer.  “If I liked a beat, I could just write and write.”  Sound engineers and musicians appreciated her gift, but many took advantage of her lack of business savvy, using her music without giving her either credit or payment.  “I didn’t know about copyright infringement at that time. I only wanted to sing.” She lucked out, performing at a VIP members-only club called 10 Room, where she found herself onstage supporting some of the greatest names in the music industry.  It was a celebrity Russian Roulette.  “On Tuesdays, you would perform with whichever feature artist they had that night.”  The gig made her career.  “Whenever I sang, people listened.  It was humbling.”  She knew then that music was her future.

Charisse falls, and Charisse rises again.

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Carol La Chapelle claims her space

“There’s a need to document, archive, expand our knowledge of the world of local dance,” says UWI’s Senior Lecture of Dance, Carol La Chapelle. La Chapelle was recently awarded a fellowship to develop her PhD in Cultural Studies at an Ivy League university in the US. Her thesis will be on “Dancing the Mas”, which she describes as challenging the division between cultures, our local perception of “high culture”, namely European-influenced dance such as ballet, and “low culture” such as folk dance. She will seek to challenge this dominant world view through her writing. Her thesis follows on a Master’s degree she attained at UWI some years ago. She recalls with horror the prevailing view among the academics at the time that despite our sea, sand and sun, the Caribbean did not have its own aesthetic. “It knocked me over.” It also fuelled her determination to contribute to the pool of understanding of the art form she loves so much. La Chapelle’s first steps toward becoming an icon of dance began when she was very young, returning from her government scholarship to study in England with the intention of sharing what she had learned. “I taught at the Valsayn Teachers’ College, Mausica Teacher’s College, Catholic Women’s College.

I had a great time putting together a dance company with Noble Douglas.” But all the time, she was keenly aware of a lack of a documented history of local art in general, and of dance in particular. She soon became a part of the Trinidad Theatre Workshop, which will forever be personified in her mind by Derek Walcott. “His focus was on the Caribbean-ness, a wonderful way to go, because you can study abroad and come back with European knowledge. It was not the racist approach that said black versus white, but an understanding that one must translate, transform and adapt what one has learned in first world countries to become relevant to our situation.” She treasures her early formation under the guidance of the Nobel Laureate. “Other dancers are mentored by dancers. I was mentored by Derek Walcott.” Through the TTW, she became Walcott’s choreographer and rehearsal director, working on tour with him. “Alongside Walcott were all the amazing people who were attracted to him, before and after the Nobel Prize.” Another luminary whose support and encouragement she values came from the late Beryl McBurnie, whom she knew before she left for England. “She told me, ‘Take up the mantle.’” Certainly, this was an echo of La Chapelle’s own heart’s desire, but it was easier said than done. “In the Caribbean, one has to forge a path, because it’s not established.

Read more about Carol

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Cheerful giving: the best tonic for the heart

God loves a cheerful giver…at least, that’s what Grandma keeps telling us. And sure, we enjoy seeing the eyes of our little ones light up when they get that special toy, and the smile on our man’s face when we surprise him with a little gadget we know is just right for him. But giving isn’t only about what we can get in a store.  We don’t have to leave our credit card groaning under a burden of debt in order to show our love.  We can give of our time, our energy, our know-how, our patience, our understanding, our compassion…the list goes on and on.  But as women, we give so much we wind up feeling like empty paper bags, barely able to stand on our own.  Sometimes, giving doesn’t leave us feeling very cheerful. They key to being positive…and staying cheerful when we give…lies in remembering what it can do for us, and for others.  Here’s what a few of the world’s great thinkers had to say on the subject:
Giving frees your soul
“I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver”, says author and poet Maya Angelou. Giving frees us from the shackles of selfishness.  When we give, we’re thinking about the other person, and how we’re pleasing them, rather than focusing on ourselves.  When we give, we cease to wonder, “What about me?” It ain’t what you give, it’s how you give it. Roman philosopher Lucius Annaeus Seneca, who walked the Earth around the same time Christ did, said, “A gift consists not of what is done or given, but of the intention of the giver or doer.”  Giving comes from the heart, and what’s in that heart, be it love, compassion, anger or resentment, goes straight to the heart of the recipient.  Whether it be a lift home when we’re stranded in the rain, an word of advice when we’re straying off the right path, or a Mercedes Benz wrapped with a humongous red bow, what we remember about the gesture isn’t what we got, but the warmth we see glowing in the eyes of the giver.

More reasons to give…or not to…

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MAKE new friends & enrich your LIFE

We all feel lonely sometimes, even in the midst of a crowd. Old friends drift away, migrate, or become so engrossed in their own issues that they have less time for us, and we find ourselves with too many Saturday nights indoors with a book, and too many heartaches that can’t be lessened by sharing. You know it’s time to welcome new faces into your life, but the pessimist in you sneers at the idea.  This isn’t a school playground, and ‘making new friends’ is easier said than done. Winning friends can be hard, but it’s doable, and the rewards are beyond measure.  Here are a few hints on how to get started.
Get off your tail. Sitting around burying your loneliness under a mudslide of chocolate ice-cream might make you feel better, but it won’t solve the problem. It will also make you fat. Not a party animal?  There are many ways to get out and mingle that don’t involve loud music and a cover charge. Take a class, read to sick children, help feed the poor, go back to church.  If you’re handy with a glue gun, offer to stick on pailettes at your local Mas Camp.  All these experiences are full of potential for meeting people like you…or people so different you just have to get to know them better.
Shift your focus. Notice we didn’t say “lower your standards” or put yourself in a position where you might feel uncomfortable.  But if all your friends look like they’ve been stamped out with a cookie cutter, it’s time to widen your horizons. If you’re the type to say, “I could never be friends with someone who (insert blind prejudice here)”, it’s time to widen your net.  Vegetarians and carnivores can be friends.  Friendship is possible across divides of age, gender, sexuality, education, creed, class, race, or any other categorisation you feel is keeping you from getting to know someone. What’s more, your new acquaintances will probably bring a fresh perspective, which could shake up the way you think, feel and act.

Click here for more tips on making friends.

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The day the LOLcats died

Okay, i’m not a US citizen so there’s not much I can do about SOPA or PIPA, but I’m horrified at how much the world could lose if they get passed.  At least I can post this.

The day the LOLcats died

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Self-publishing, here I come

Thinking about…no, intending to self publish.  I’m very encouraged by the story of Amanda Hocking here. Not that I expect to make $2 million, but it’s nice to know self-published authors are coming out of the ghetto of the book world.

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Vindra Amar, humanitarian without borders

Vindra Amar

Vindra Amar is well groomed, her skin flawless, hair, makeup, clothes and jewellery elegantly understated. This businesswoman, attorney and notary public is also co-owner of Brava International, producers of local Twist juices, with her husband, Rawlins. Over the past 16 years she has developed her own special style and acumen to become an astute businesswoman. “My philosophy of life is to be the change you wish to see in the world,” she says, quoting Mahatma Ghandi.  Nice to say; hard to live by.  But if anyone embodies the idea, it would be Amar. She’s careful to give due credit to her family of strong values and high achievers and to her Alma Mater, Naparima Girls, where she was a Vice House Captain and represented her school at four Music Festivals. While at the University of West Indies (UWI) she sang with a pop group, Cruze.  “Then I developed nodules on my vocal cords,” she says with a trace of regret, “and can’t sing as much anymore.”

Learn how Vindra met Daniel Ortega and Jimmy Carter.

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